Eldercare conversations

Initiating a conversation with a loved one or family member is never easy. Having these conversations means accepting limitations, something that can evoke fears in elderly family members. It's crucial to remember that the most important quality for someone in their senior years is freedom/autonomy. This preference is rooted in the lack of control over various aspects of their lives, making this conversation feel like another discussion about something beyond their control.

Having worked in a hospital social worker role, I understand that these conversations, albeit necessary, are never easy. I would not suggest that there is a universal or one-size-fits-all way. These conversations are riddled with tough concepts, stubborn family members, and different viewpoints/opinions.

Below are some tips to help. Please note that following these tips will not necessarily prevent the family member from expressing concerns; the goal is to initiate the conversation. Additionally, these discussions might need to occur over multiple sessions. In cases where multiple medical issues or unsafe conditions are present, consider reaching out to Adult Protective Services/APS.

1.     Choose the Right Time and Place:

Find a quiet and comfortable setting where you can talk without interruptions.

Choose a time when everyone is calm and not preoccupied with other matters.

Do not make light of the situation.

 2.     Be Honest and Open:

Approach conversation with honesty and openness, share your concerns and observations about the individual's health and safety.

 3.     Emphasize Safety and Well-being:

Have they had a recent hospital visit or recommendation from medical staff?

Highlight the advantages of skilled nursing care, such as continuous medical supervision and assistance with daily activities. Frame it how it may improve socialization and community.

Emphasize that the decision is motivated by a desire to ensure their well-being and safety.

 4.     Listen to Their Concerns:

Allow your family members to express their feelings and concerns. Listen actively and validate their emotions, and values; acknowledging that this is an important decision.

Address potential worries about changes in quality of life or autonomy that the family member may express.

 5.     Plan a Visit:

If possible, plan a visit to the skilled nursing facility together. Seeing the environment and meeting staff may help alleviate concerns.

If possible, give options of a few facilities or let them interview home health aides.

 6.     Accept Compromise

In some cases, the family member is more likely to be open to a compromise of homecare or have a caregiver. This may not be what is medically best, however, it might be necessary to start at a lower care before going to a higher level of care.

                                                            Cite:

Aging & Disability Resource Centers. (n.d.). Aging & Disability Resource Centers (ADRCS). DSHS. https://www.dshs.wa.gov/altsa/stakeholders/aging-disability-resource-centers-adrcs