"The Ultimate Guide to Handling Family Stress This Holiday Season"

The Holiday Stress Struggle for everyone the holiday struggle is widely different. Some people are having a time navigating politics, some have lost their job, some are going through a divorce, others have family members going through divorce or even death. It is hard to navigate this landscape of change. In this guide our goal is to help you with all these transitions and changes.

Understand the Root Causes of Family Stress

"Why Does Family Stress Spike During the Holidays?"

There can be an increase of gatherings and scheduling. This can leave people feeling anxious or overwhelmed by the demands of all the family members or others and trying to coordinate. This is natural as everyone has such different lives.

"How Family Dynamics Contribute to Stress"

While the holidays are mainly about thankfulness and celebration, this can also be a really hard time of year, even during normal circumstances. If you are missing a loved one, think of ways to honor them during your festivities. If you have lost a job or had to drop out of school, take the time to recognize the challenges that came with that. Even if you have not lost anything concrete, we’ve all lost our sense of normalcy this year – it’s okay to grieve that during this time. With the gatherings there can be unresolved conflict and adverse conditions or tensions with various family members. Especially when the family has recently separated or divorced. These kinds of changes in family structure can leave you feeling like the home you left is gone forever. Change is hard, but it is not always bad.

Managing Specific Holiday Stress Triggers

"Navigating Family Conflicts and Tension"

How to manage disagreements or awkward moments with family members.

Remember that while your holiday season may normally be full of excitement and joy, it can also be a time of high stress. Long days of travel, endless to-do lists, and dinners with that one family member you do not get along with are all part of the holidays too. 

Practical Tips for Managing Family Stress

"Set Realistic Expectations"

When we see the Hallmark families on tv these expectations can make holidays stressful, especially for those that feel disconnected from family or friends, those that feel alone. Manage expectations for perfect (attendance, decorations, family members, meals, presents).

Focus on doing or accomplishing one thing at a time if possible. Limit the number of events that you go to or reschedule.

 "Create Boundaries and Prioritize Self-Care"

This can be one of the hardest but most essential things to do is to say no when needed. My clients constantly struggle with this, and it is one of the top five reasons people come to therapy.

During the conversation, acknowledge that your boundary may be difficult to hear. This helps your loved one feel seen and included in the process.

Remember that “no” can be a full sentence as well.

Know when or when not to speak up. Just because you accepted these behaviors and dynamics before does not mean you need to accept them now.

"Communicate Clearly and Calmly"

Step 1: Identify and define the emotion or behavior you're experiencing. Check-in with your body and how it is responding. Understanding this is crucial for figuring out the best way to handle the interaction.

Step 2: Asses what is going, I recommend researching locus of control, which explains how people attribute outcomes to either internal or external factors.

Step 3: Speak up and communicate calmly and clearly. Avoid staying silent and hoping the situation will improve on its own—it is unlikely to get better. We will explore how to communicate effectively in the next section.

In effective communication there are a handful of good rules to use.

Practice what you are going to say before you speak or write it down beforehand.

Focus on using assertive language that reflects your feelings and stick to the facts. Use things like I statements and engage in a calm manner.

Avoid over-promising. Do not make promises you can't keep or raise concerns that could unnecessarily alarm others. 

Summarize and paraphrase the topics or main things disccused (see active listening article). For my clients with ADD/ADHD or struggle with neurospiceness (see neuro-diversity) this may be an important part of defining goals and tasks. 

"Delegate Responsibilities"

Share with family the workload (meal planning, holiday chores, gift shopping).

Avoid over-promising. Do not make promises you can't keep or raise concerns that could unnecessarily alarm others.

Reduce stress during travel delays or last-minute changes.

Don’t overspend on gifts and put yourself over debt to keep up with expectations. Make a gift or spend less if you have unexpected life circumstances.

Try to practice a balanced mindset and to embrace imperfection.

Schedule quiet time or "me-time" to recharge.

It can be easy to focus on what you do not have, and not what you do have, during the holidays. Make a point to celebrate the good things in your life. Contact your friends and remind them of how much you value their friendship and support.

Another wonderful way to help yourself is to help others and practice altruism. Go volunteer at a local charity or food kitchen to help others and give back to your community.

Reengage with your community, culture, your roots, or your spiritual practices.

Mental and Emotional Wellness Tips for the Holidays

"Managing Holiday Anxiety and Depression"

I recommend researching locus of control, which explains how people attribute outcomes to either internal or external factors.

Gratitude is not a simple reflection of being thankful for what I ate, or for the sun etc. Gratitude is seeing the world for what it is versus in our mind. It’s appreciating life as a whole and the readiness to support and show kindness for others.

Gratitude is a major focus this time of year, and while it may seem harder to find things to appreciate, there is still plenty to be thankful for. Make a conscious effort to regularly identify things for which you are grateful.

Use the following to help be more mindful of yourself: stress management techniques, mindfulness, relaxation exercises, practice self-care, exercise and volunteer.

Change is hard, but it is not always bad. There are still ways to celebrate the season with your loved ones, even if you must give up some of your favorite traditions. Sometimes even starting new traditions – they may even add more meaning or more balance to your holiday season.

If you are experiencing the winter blues or SAD (Seasonal affective Disorder) SAD talk with your doctor about whether taking Vitamin D or light therapy.

Seek support from a counselor if you are struggling emotionally during the season.

Conclusion: Embrace the Holidays with Less Stress

The holiday season does not have to be a source of overwhelming stress. By understanding the root causes of family tension, setting realistic expectations, and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate the season with greater ease and joy. Whether it's learning to say no, finding time for yourself, or reimagining traditions, small changes can make a big difference in reducing holiday pressure.

Remember, the holidays are about connection, not perfection. Focus on what truly matters—spending meaningful time with loved ones and creating memories that bring happiness. When challenges arise, practice mindfulness, communicate calmly, and remind yourself that it’s okay to step back when needed.

This year, embrace imperfection, let go of unnecessary stress, and give yourself permission to enjoy the holiday season on your terms. Here is to a calmer, more fulfilling celebration with your family!